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Afraid to Lift Heavy? Let’s Break It Down. (Fear by Fear)


If you’ve spent five minutes on the peri-gram (Instagram for perimenopause, obvi—coined by yours truly - unless ya got something better!), you’ve probably seen:

“healthy aging = lift heavy”

Usually paired with a badass woman hoisting a barbell like a warrior goddess.

And I am very much in agreement.

BUT—here’s the deal:

That version of lifting isn’t where we start.

It’s where we get to… eventually… safely… over time.

For those of you who are curious but feel a big ol’ wall of resistance when it comes to lifting weights, you are not alone.

Let’s walk through the four biggest fears I hear most often in client intakes—and how to move through them with confidence (and without injury).

💥 FEAR #1: “I’m afraid I’ll get injured.”

The Truth:

This is so valid. Many women I work with have old injuries or chronic pain. Some have even been hurt trying to exercise in the past. Your body remembers that trauma—your nervous system reacts accordingly.

But here’s the good news: properly done strength training is actually one of the best tools for pain reduction and injury prevention. It strengthens muscles, supports joints, and fixes imbalances that pull our body out of alignment.

Action Steps:

✅ Get medical clearance if you have past injuries, pain, osteopenia, osteoporosis, etc. Safety first. Always.


✅ Start with bodyweight, light weights, or machines. Focus on how you move, not how much you lift.


✅ Train movement patterns, not muscles. Form is QUEEN. Learn squats, hinges, pushes, and pulls before adding resistance.


✅ Use shorter sessions 2x/week. Try 20–30 mins of focused work with rest days in between. ✅ Consider a coach or small group if you can. Having a professional correct your form early on makes all the difference. Check out our Small-Group Personal Training at Fit After 40 while you're at it! ✅ Work through fear responses slowly. Just like you’d rehab from a car accident, we rehab your nervous system’s fear of movement. It’s valid. But it’s also trainable. Your first 4 focuses at this phase are:

  1. Form

  2. Muscular Endurance

  3. Balance

  4. Mobility


💥 FEAR #2: “I feel like people will judge me at the gym.”

The Truth:

Honestly? I’ve been there too. But the truth is that most people are too focused on themselves to notice anyone else. If they do notice you, it’s likely with curiosity or admiration—not judgment.

But still, that gym intimidation is real—especially for beginners or those returning after a long time.

Action Steps:

✅ Start at home. Use bands, light weights, or machines you’re familiar with ✅ Try a women-focused or beginner-friendly gym like Fit After 40 Small-Group Personal Training! ✅ Try a women-focused or beginner-friendly gym like Fit After 40 Small-Group Personal Training! ✅ Train with a friend. A buddy adds confidence and accountability. ✅ Practice exposure. Try just walking into the gym and leaving the first time. Build comfort before diving in. Exposure therapy is a great way to train our nervous system that nothing bad is going to happen.

PS: One of the things that has helped me majorly when it comes to not giving a flip what others think is this incredible 15-minute Ted Talk about a guy who spent 100 days getting rejected to build courage. Weirdly helpful. Worth a watch.


💥 FEAR #3: “I don’t want to get bulky.”

The Truth:

Ah, the ol’ “bulking” myth. First off—getting bulky is really hard. It requires a calorie surplus, years of training, and often… “additional supplementation” (if you catch my drift...steroids, I mean steroids).

What does happen when you lift? You get stronger. You feel more capable. Your clothes fit better. Your metabolism improves. Your mood enhances. You strengthen your immune system. You bulletproof your body against fall-related injuries. The list goes on.

Action Steps:

✅ Give strength training 6 months and assess how you feel. If you think you are getting too bulky. Stop! ✅ Track how your body feels, not just how it looks. Notice strength, stamina, energy, posture. ✅ Reframe the goal. “Bulky” is almost always about appearance. “Strong” is about how you move through life. ✅ Remember: Frail is not a flex. Frailty increases risk of injury, bone loss, illness, and even mortality. Strong = safe.

Again, you can always stop lifting if you hate the results. But 100% of my clients who did this didn't. They fall in love with what strength gives them.



💥 FEAR #4: “I don’t know what to do.”

The Truth:

OF COURSE you don’t. That’s normal. This stuff isn’t intuitive, and most beginner content on the internet skips the actual beginning.

But not knowing what to do doesn’t mean you can’t start. It just means you need some support, education, or a solid entry point.

Action Steps:

✅ Start with bodyweight basics. Squats, glute bridges, single-leg balances, chest presses, etc ✅ Use a free beginner guide (like mine! Menopause & Beyond Edition available now!).


✅ Focus on 2–3 movements per session for 30 mins.


✅ Build consistency before intensity. It's not about going hard—it's about showing up.


✅ Progress gradually. Add weight only once your form is dialed in.


✅ Hire a coach if you can. Especially one who specializes in midlife women or menopause. (Hint: hey 👋)


Bonus: Being a beginner is magical. Newbie gains are real. Strength improves fast. Confidence skyrockets. And you’re laying the groundwork for long-term health.

TL;DR — You’re Not Alone. But You’ve Gotta Start Somewhere.

You don’t have to lift heavy today. Or tomorrow. Or even this year. But if you want to feel strong, balanced, mobile, and confident in your body as you age—you do need to build muscle.

So, pick a fear. Pick a step. And begin.

Here’s what that might look like:

You are not too old. You are not too out of shape. You are not broken. You are READY.

If you loved this post, check out:

Drop into the comments or email (kinsey@fitater40.info) with your biggest “but I’m afraid to…” and I’ll help you find your next best step.

You're stronger than you think.

xo, Kinsey

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